I never had an interest in reaching a super old age.
Growing up, I didn’t have anybody in my family who lived to be 100, or anything close to it. On the contrary, most of the men in our family died at unusually young ages. My vibrant maternal grandmother, who I thought was “really old” at the time, died at 76. My paternal grandmother made it to 90, but was miserable for most of her life until dementia erased some of the worst tragedies.
So I never thought, “I want to be as cool and wise as my 100-year-old Aunt Betty when I’m her age.” I never envisioned life beyond about 75, which felt like a respectable enough age at which to hang up my hat.
This week, though, I’m in Hilton Head, South Carolina, for a girls’ getaway to celebrate my mother’s 85th birthday. My mom’s 87-year-old recently-widowed sister moved here earlier this year to live near her daughter/my cousin. My sisters flew in from Washington State for our mini-reunion.
Despite walkers, arthritis, deep loss, and other emotional and physical wounds suffered along the way, my mother and her sister are still going strong, still sharp as tacks, still contributing, still showing up. They are not alone. On my mother’s actual birthday earlier this month, she held a thick stack of birthday cards from friends at her retirement community. “All of these people are older than I am,” she told me. “They call me ‘The Kid.’”
My sons have awesome grandparent role models on both sides. My in-laws, both in their early 80s, were hiking in a Brazilian rain forest just last week during a trip to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.
Time for a reframe of my longevity and elderhood expectations!
I’m still not hoping to reach 100 or any other specific age, but my expected lifespan lens has widened considerably. The good news is, I have an inspiring new teacher to help me face my later years with open-hearted awe and gratitude rather than trepidation. I introduced Martha Hendricks to you a while back in Meet Who I Want To Be When I Grow Up — An Older, Wiser Martha.
Martha recently launched her blog White Hair Grace – Relishing Elderhood as Mystery and Wonder. Here’s how she introduces herself: I’m first-time blogger Martha Hendricks, a once-reluctant elder who has made peace with my old age. I’ve been a professional singer, pastor, writer, decorative painter, introspective elder who still finds life fascinating. I chose “elder” because of its historical links to wisdom and experience. Time will tell if I have the former. I certainly have lots of the latter.
Martha is 77 years old.
I spent the morning soaking in Martha’s gorgeous writing. Here are just a few gems pulled from the pieces she has already posted:
Elderhood becomes a special new experience of life because we have been forced to find new ways to connect – to the world, to people, to time, to hope, to the reason for why we’re still alive. (Ritual: Making Friends With Life)
And this…
There are patterns to our lives. Some are so beautiful that they save us from despair. Some, so awful that we thought we would never survive them. But most of us did – and most of us do. And that is miracle every time. (Change Creates Disturbance)
And this…
Our own broken roads have been opportunity just when we thought we’d seen all we needed to see. They have been invitation just at the moment that we were ready to give up. They have been challenge when we thought we’d learned all we needed to know. They have been correction when we had it wrong. They have been the darkness until we could bear the light. (The Broken Road)
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Martha’s work has already impacted my mindset as I envision what my life further down the road might look like.
I can’t wait to follow Martha’s journey on White Hair Grace and am truly honored to be among her first subscribers. I encourage you to join me! It’s easy to subscribe on her home page. Just look for “Follow Blog via Email” in the sidebar.
A common refrain of mine is “embrace the journey and bloom on.” The “other Martha” shows us this is truly possible at any stage of life.
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