The more closely I pay attention, the more fully I recognize my own life in nature’s seasonal shifts.
One of our town’s holiday traditions is that Santa drives through our neighborhoods in an antique fire truck, waving and passing out candy, announcement sirens alternating with “Here Comes Santa Claus” blaring through the night air.
Last night, as my husband and I were helping our youngest load up his bed to move to his first post-college rental house, Santa’s truck turned onto our street in all its noisy glory. The three of us stopped to wave, yelling “Hi Santa! Merry Christmas!”
Other than our three years living abroad, we have rarely missed this ritual over the past 20+ years. My youngest had taken particular delight in rushing down to the sidewalk or even running after the truck if needed to catch Santa at one of the candy stops.
The sirens and music faded with Santa’s departure, visions of my tiny boy echoing in the void. I stayed rooted in my spot on the driveway. If I didn’t move, maybe I could slow down the progression of time.
What are the chances that Santa would come by at the exact moment that we were helping our son move his bed — the symbol of “home” — from our nest to his own? Nostalgia, gratitude, happiness that he had made it to this milestone, and — yes — grief at the passing of another life chapter all churned into one big brew of emotions.
In my earlier years, I would have choked back my feelings and kept on with the task at hand. But why miss out on this moment of deep feeling? Why rush past this once-in-a-lifetime human experience and its gift of emotional aliveness? I could hold all of it, savor it even, without resistance.
My son asked if I was OK. I burst into tears and we embraced, both of us crying for a minute or two together, before shaking it off with some laughter. I even shook my hands out to extract the rest of the sad energy from my body. Then, having honored the moment, we got back to work, closer and more grateful for all of it than ever.
Photo by erin mckenna on Unsplash
CK Vossler says
What a poignant way to capture this milestone of leaving the nest! You have such a gift with words and an amazing perspective, Martha. I missed Santa last night but Jim took a video for me. He and our youngest were out there waving too!
Martha Brettschneider says
Thanks for your kind words, Colleen. Hope it was dark enough that Jim didn’t catch me in that video weeping on the other side of the street! Haha! Savor the magic, dear friend. We’re so lucky to have the opportunity to weep over these happy milestones. Hugs, Martha
Christina says
My sister and I got in a tiff over Thanksgiving. (How is it we revert to ages 8 and 10 instead of 62 and 64, Ugh!) She finally said, “I think you just want me to agree with you.” I immediately stopped and thought about it. She was right. I did want her to agree with me, so I let it go. It wasn’t that important. I still thought I was right, but that didn’t matter. What mattered to me, what gave me great satisfaction, was that I was able to stop and consider her comment and feelings without negatively reacting. It also dawned on me that I was aware I was was doing this. My sister taught me something about myself, even if it was unattractive, but she also made me realized I had learned a valuable listening technique. I was proud of myself and I am very grateful I have my sister in my life.
Martha Brettschneider says
Wow, Christina. Such a profound ah ha moment. “It wasn’t that important.” A real game changer when we are able to redirect to what matters most — gratitude for the people in our lives, even when our opinions differ. And the advanced move of recognizing our own personal growth and articulating it the way you have here. High five to you, my friend! With gratitude and appreciation for you and your journey, Martha
Lauren Crum says
Beautiful Martha!
Martha Brettschneider says
Thank you, Lauren! Hugs, Martha
Debbie Kovach says
Martha…this topic is worthy of a zoom “alumni mindfulness” session for 2022!?
I am not a parent, but, always heard that if you give children wings, they can fly, so, congratulations on doing this well! But, yes, the duality of emotions.
I am mindfully aware of a mixture of my worry and happiness, looking forward to family gatherings this month, as safety needs to be front and center. Being immunocompromised, I probably worry more than most. So, the need for staying grounded & self-care is a priority, balanced with careful connecting with others. Above it all…gratitude for all of my blessings…the fact that I have family and friends. And, the awareness that so may others are in need. And, the blessing of being present and appreciating the season’s nature, music, lights, hot cocoa and treats! So, I will seek opportunities for uplift and Hope.
Wishing all a safe and beautiful holiday season.
Martha Brettschneider says
Beautiful reflection, Debbie! Your gratitude and awareness practices are shining through. Thanks for showing us how it’s done! Clinking my mug of hot chocolate against yours in celebration of you and the season, my friend. With gratitude, Martha
Colleen Millett says
Oh Martha, I cried at this one. So glad you could feel the emotion of the moment and Santa was a part of it.
xo
Colleen