The sound of her weathered hiking boots hitting the dirt trail alternated with the lighter taps of her trekking poles as she made her way up the mountain slope. Christina was like a one-person percussion band helping me keep my own rhythm as I followed on her heels.
We were near the front of the pack of our Awake in the Wild retreat group hiking up to a mountain meadow for our morning meditation program. I could feel my heart beat in my chest as we inched close to 9,000 feet above sea level.
Christina’s steps were steady, consistent, and – thank goodness – slow. I had met her at this same retreat last year and was deeply inspired by her fortitude, solo camping at the age of 73. She had climbed most of the Rocky Mountain peaks that spanned our horizon. The lines on her face mapped a rich life of outdoor adventure, framing clear, sky-blue eyes and the kindest smile you’ve ever encountered.
At a silent retreat, conversation between participants is allowed only on the bookends of the experience. It’s amazing what you can learn from people simply by being in their presence. On this particular morning, Christina taught me how to wait. Or, more precisely, how NOT to wait.
Waiting Mind
Earlier that day, our retreat teacher Mark Coleman had invited us to notice when we were caught in Waiting Mind. This frame of mind feels like we are waiting for something else to happen that is more worthy of our attention and awareness. We’re waiting for something else to be present with, instead of being fully conscious of the beauty of this moment.
I reflected on my own life and wondered how many hours, days, months, years even, I had wasted in Waiting Mind. How many slices of time had I spent waiting with annoyance and stress, anywhere from grocery store lines to waiting for my kids to grow up, for my skills to be “good enough” or my confidence strong enough for me to show up fully and authentically for my life? How many moments of gratitude, joy, and conscious experience had Waiting Mind stolen from me?
Turning Towards Presence
Christina stopped in front of me, following the lead of the person in front of her. Mark had paused at the front of the line to let the rest of the group catch up. I automatically looked behind me to assess where the rest of the group was, calculating how long it would take for the gaps in the line to close. Waiting Mind.
In contrast, Christina simply shifted her stance, keeping her back towards the line of hikers progressing up the switchbacks. She closed her eyes, raised her face towards the sky, and smiled into the sun.
I watched her breathing in the forest air, the fragrance, absorbing the birdsong, sensing into her connection with all of creation, completely at peace. Her full presence and gratitude was palpable and contagious, even in her silence.
I want to be Christina when I grow up. What am I waiting for?
How about you? Where does Waiting Mind tend to trap you? How many minutes of your day could you put to better use to take full advantage of the gifts and joys of life?
Thanks for your attention! If you’re curious about how to strengthen your presence practice, you may be interested in my upcoming 15-Day Meditation Refresh program or my PQ© Mental Fitness coaching offerings. I’d love to accompany you on your journey!
