Who says you can’t teach old dogs new tricks? Like all assumptions that limit our personal growth, this is a lie.
My sisters and I just pulled off the greatest feat of our lives: orchestrating and implementing a perfect, collaborative, drama-free celebration for our mother’s 90th birthday. Seven airplanes delivered family members from around the country. The final out-of-towners drove nine hours to be here. The multi-day event went off without a hitch, with all of us grounded in love and joy every step of the way.
This would have been unthinkable even a year ago.
“PQ’d and ready! Full on Sage. Feels so good.”
I borrowed this quote from a CEO coaching client of mine who texted me moments before heading into a significant meeting. “PQ’d” means she had grounded herself in presence using the tools she learned in her PQ® Mental Fitness training pod. “Full on Sage” means she had activated her wisest mind, her highest potential brain networks, and was operating from a place of positive emotion (joy, curiosity, gratitude, inspiration), rather than from a place of fear, judgment, or other negative emotion.
This is just how my sisters and I felt before, during, and after my mother’s birthday celebration. Why? Because all three of us have integrated the PQ operating system into the fabric of our lives. Two of our husbands have also gone through the program, as well as a couple of our adult children.
The training has given our family a common language to use that helps us shift from judgment (of ourselves, others, and circumstances) to curiosity, acceptance, and an ability to see the gifts and opportunities inherent in every challenge and set-back. Most empowering is that my sisters and I use our individual PQ practice to lift our aging mother into an upward vortex of positive energy when her declining body drags her down. It’s been a game changer for elder care.
Intercepting My Personal Saboteurs
Bringing my PQ training and Sage powers to the birthday extravaganza was fun. I was able to quickly recognize when my inner Saboteurs tried to crash the party. For example, one of my jobs was to decorate the private dining room at my mother’s retirement community. I ordered 90th birthday banners, the requisite sash, and bought flowers for the centerpieces. But I forgot to bring candles for the tables.
“Oh no! Huge fail! You ALWAYS have candles on the table – everyone knows that about you!” my Judge, Pleaser, and Hyper-Achiever Saboteurs screamed in my ear. “Candles are absolutely REQUIRED to create the magical, welcoming atmosphere and warm energy you envisioned for the party!” they hissed.
I mentioned and apologized for the mistake a couple of times, feeling the regret in the pit of my stomach. My sisters reminded me to shift to the Sage perspective: What’s the gift and opportunity of the situation?
Creating Our Own Glow with Mental Fitness
The self-command muscles I’ve developed through my PQ practice helped me not only recognize the Saboteur shenanigans, but to intentionally activate my Sage perspective.
Even without the candles, the room was aglow with love and laughter. The energy had a velvety texture, both soft and substantive. Our inner lights were beaming, boosted by each other’s light. It was sort of blinding at times!
As is always the case, the Saboteurs had lied. In their effort to keep control of the steering wheel, they tried to keep me in fear, self-judgment, and create a “problem” that simply wasn’t there.
Breaking the Cycle
Like many families, our history of gatherings has been rocky and pot-hole laden. The run-up to events was often filled with apprehension and anticipatory judgment, with everyone pretty certain that arguments, hurt feelings, and disappointment would be part of the experience.
When our 90th birthday celebration wrapped up, my sisters and mother and I were simply stunned by the utter absence of drama from start to finish. It was a foreign and wonderful feeling.
I’m so proud of us for doing the work to build new muscles, to bring our Mental Fitness to the game in this rich chapter of our lives. The greatest gift of this inner work is our enhanced capacity for connection with others.
Though this post has been about the collective power of PQ® Mental Fitness training, for which I am now a certified coach, the first step is always an individual one. If you are curious and feel ready to learn some new ways of being, the details of my 12-Week Mental Fitness training program are here.
My next session begins on January 15, 2023. If you’d like to chat about whether the program is a good fit for you, schedule time with me here.
