I woke up feeling a sense of dread. “Ugh,” I thought. “It’s baseball game day.”
I forced myself to remember the excited expression on our 12-year-old Afghan girl’s face when she said, “Miss Martha! We all finished the library reading program and we got tickets to a baseball game! Will you take us?”
This motivated and very organized girl had made sure that, along with meeting the summer reading requirements herself, her two younger siblings and three of her cousins living in the same house also earned the “prize” of vouchers to a Washington Nationals game.
Despite the fact that I would rather have a root canal than sit through a baseball game, I said, “Of course!” I did let slip, “This is the only way you will ever get me to a baseball game. That’s how proud I am of all of you for your reading progress this summer!”
What “I don’t want to” Feels Like
It’s rare these days for me to have a sustained feeling of “I don’t want to do this” in my body. I have gotten much better at pausing before decisions and only saying yes to things when the opportunity sparks a sense of joy, inspiration, or uplifting purpose.
The “Ugh” thought in my head when I woke up on game day was accompanied by tightness in my solar plexus and an overall heaviness in my body. Even before the day got going, I felt like my energy tank had cracked and leaked.
My “Yes, I’ll take you,” was driven by the idea that I wanted our Afghan kids to have something special to pull out of their pockets in the “What did you do this summer?” conversations that invariably come up at the start of the school year.
In an almost comical example, our 10-year-old girl’s best friend spent three weeks this summer on the French Riviera. Right after that she went to Seattle for her “birthday trip” (every year she gets to pick wherever she’d like to go on her birthday). The friend shared this at my kitchen table without an ounce of boastfulness in response to my husband’s “What did you do this summer?” question. It was just her reality.
So along with my Pleaser saboteur, it’s likely my Hyper-Achiever saboteur also had a hand on the steering wheel the morning of the baseball game. Our saboteurs live in our fear-based survival brain, overusing and abusing our positive attributes in ways that lead to stress and other negative emotion.
Fighting Saboteur Muscle with Sage Muscle
All of this was churning that game day morning while I was driving to pick up my mother for her acupuncture appointment. It’s amazing what can transpire in these moments between tasks when you plug in to your mind/body chat line.
Pulling my attention away from my fear-based thinking, I focused on the feel of my hands on the steering wheel. It didn’t take long for this to bubble up…
Martha, you are clearly hijacked by your saboteurs this morning. How about you bring some curiosity to the situation to walk your talk, girlfriend!
And so I did.
Using my Sage Explore power, I looked at the situation objectively. The six kids we would have in tow didn’t know a thing about baseball. I was pretty certain they would all be bored out of their minds. I would therefore be walking around the stadium with them while my husband watched the game.
Using my Sage Empathy power, I had tuned into some hesitation on the 12-year-old ring leader’s part in our conversation the previous evening while we were discussing logistics. When I inquired about this, she admitted she was worried that her 5-year-old sister would get bored.
Using my Sage Navigate power, I asked myself, “What is truly important here?” I said yes to the request to take them because I wanted to acknowledge and celebrate the kids’ summer reading effort. After not speaking a word of English when our life paths converged three and a half years ago, the children’s perseverance and progress astounds me.
Using my Sage Innovate power, I asked myself, “Is there another way I can celebrate them and make them feel they got some sort of substitute (and more enjoyable!) prize if we don’t go to the baseball game?”
The New Sage-Driven Plan
As soon as I created space for new ideas, “Readers Party” floated up from the depths in neon lights.
The single common denominator of the cousins ranging in age from 5 to 15 is that they love coming to our house. They know that we accept them fully as they are. They can be themselves, a beautiful blend of their home culture and accumulating Americanisms.
My new vision of a home-based substitute for the baseball game flooded my body with joyful energy. I was still driving to my mother’s, but it was like an electrical plug found its way back to the outlet, powering me up with excitement (my usual energy state when I’m with these kids).
I called my 12-year-old collaborator and asked her what she thought of this new idea. I have never heard such relief in a person’s voice when she said, “Oh, YES PLEASE!”
YAY!
With clarity on our new course of action, I shifted to my Sage Activate power. I called my husband, asked him to order pizza and pick up some ice cream, got my mom to her appointment and back home, and went directly to pick up the kids. They met me in their front yard jumping up and down with excitement, happy as clams to cash in their reading “prize” of simply hanging out with us at home.
We made popcorn, watched a movie (Ice Age), had pizza, and played games. Apollo, our Sage golden retriever, finally succeeded in dissolving their fear of dogs. We played hide and seek, an opportunity for me to feel gratitude that my 61-year-old body can still crouch in my front hall closet with a 5-yr-old in my lap for the win!
While my husband played ping pong in the basement with the boys, the girls and I danced in the kitchen to Afghan music. When they asked me to choose dance songs, I played “We Are Family” and Aretha Franklin’s “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.”
The Power of Sage Day Memories
Sharing this story with you brings me right back to the immense joy I felt that afternoon and into the evening, since we were having so much fun that we lost track of time. The memory, now part of my neural circuitry, is a gift that keeps on giving.
I hope you are wrapping up your summer with your own Sage-driven memories to savor and come back to when you need a lift. I’d love to hear about them in the comments or by replying to this email!
If you feel called to strengthen the mental muscles that will allow you to navigate your journey as the best version of yourself, you might be a good candidate for my next Mental Fitness training starting on September 22, 2025. Start by completing this interest form.
