“You’re not a Marine. You don’t need to kiss the floor,” Stephanie said.
Wait, what?
I was struggling to do off-the-knees push-ups in my personal trainer’s studio. Calling Stephanie “my” personal trainer is a bit of a stretch, since I only see her every several months when she has a cancellation.
Stephanie specializes in strength training for women over 50. She does a great job with her clients, since they never leave. Like, ever. I love hearing her mention clients in their late 70’s and 80’s who have been with her for decades.
After a lifetime of choosing fitness classes that pushed me to my limits, firmly entrenched in the “no pain, no gain” mentality, I have had to shift my inner narrative in my post-menopausal years.
Not only is my body no longer able to meet my earlier standards, I’ve done enough research to know that those standards aren’t even healthy for me anymore.
Stephanie’s value added is that she cuts straight to my inner Saboteur thought patterns during my workouts. I stopped doing off-the-knee push-ups a few years ago because I didn’t think I could do them well enough. If I wasn’t going “low enough,” I wouldn’t do them at all.
I had a lot of stories in my head around push-ups, in particular, because I used to be very proud of my arm strength. This sounds kind of sad, but I used to challenge my sons and their friends to arm wrestling matches, until they were about 15 years old.
As I struggled with my push-ups with Stephanie, I remembered being able to drop to the ground without a thought and easily crank out 20 of them. My inner critic, the Judge, had a field day, chastising me for how my strength had deteriorated so quickly.
“Just a few years ago you did a 21 Push-Ups for 21 Days Challenge on Facebook, complete with videos of your off-the-knees push-ups!” my Judge sneered. Brutal.
Except that when I actually went back to check on the time, that challenge was a whole decade ago.
The Superwoman identity I had in my early 50’s, when I felt “stronger” than a lot of my peers, was fueled by my Hyper-Achiever Saboteur. In recent years, my body has become less responsive to my workouts for very natural reasons. Not only that, my priorities have shifted. I care less about my arms looking toned than I do about value-driven uses of my time.
But the research around the importance of strength training in our post-menopausal years is too strong to be ignored. My inspiration to keep at it has shifted from how I look in a tank top to being able to lift the suitcase holding my heavy camera equipment into the overhead compartment on a plane.
Which brings me back to Stephanie and how she is at least as much of a mental fitness coach as she is a physical fitness coach. When I lamented about the imperfection of my push-ups, she dropped that big truth bomb:
“You’re not a Marine. You don’t need to kiss the floor. And if you can’t push yourself up while you’re off your knees, then lower yourself off your knees and push up with your knees on the floor.”
My Judge and Hyper-Achiever Saboteurs had kniption fits, shouting at me their usual “that’s not good enough!” lies. Rather than getting hooked by those outdated stories, I celebrated noticing the attempted hijack (instant dopamine hit!) and brought my full attention back to my perfectly imperfect push-ups.
This story reminded me of why I am so excited about my upcoming Zoom event with menopause expert and fellow Positive Intelligence (PQ®) Coach Dr. Neelima Deshpande on Thursday, March 26. In this free Zoom event, we will discuss and field questions about how PQ® Mental Fitness training helps us navigate the challenges and opportunities of life after menopause.
Registration is required here for this free event. We’d love to welcome you to the conversation!
