Close to 30 years ago, my friend Jenny told me she had gone to a silent meditation retreat.
“What the hell? Why in the world would you do that?” I asked.
Jenny and I hadn’t been in touch for a few years. I was in graduate school studying international economics, preparing for my very important professional life. I had never heard of a silent meditation retreat, let alone imagined myself attending one.
Jenny was cool and artsy in a serious way. As in PhD in Art History from Brown sort of serious. I thought it was just an apple and orange sort of thing and didn’t give it any more thought.
Fast forward three decades, and here I am, drafting my packing list for my 10-day silent meditation retreat at Dhamma Delaware, which begins next Wednesday.
“What the hell? Why in the world would you do that?” you may be asking.
Well, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a couple of years, ever since reading ABC news correspondent Dan Harris’s book 10 Percent Happier. Dan attended a silent meditation retreat for a work assignment and wrote an absolutely hilarious account of it. His experience would have been like running the Boston Marathon having never completed a 5K. He has since become a major advocate of mindfulness meditation.
So when I learned that one of the requirements of Google’s Search Inside Yourself (SIY) Leadership Institute’s teacher certification program is to have attended a 5-day silent meditation retreat, I thought, “Now’s the time!” Yes, the one I’m doing is 10 days, twice the length of the requirement. I searched for months for a shorter one that worked with my schedule, failed two lottery bids at another retreat, and finally found the Delaware option, which has been on the books for months now.
Almost bailed…
I didn’t know whether I had been accepted into the SIY teacher training program when I signed up for the retreat, but was determined to do it anyway to deepen my mindfulness practice.
And then the Parkland, Florida, school shooting happened and the survivors of that tragedy scheduled the March for Our Lives demonstration on March 24th in Washington, DC (and other cities around the country). How could I not be at that march??? I hadn’t heard back yet about my SIY application. If I didn’t get in, I decided, I would seriously consider pulling out of the retreat.
The Universe was apparently monitoring my situation, because the day after I spoke openly about possibly going to March for Our Lives instead of the retreat, I was notified of my acceptance into the SIY training program. YAY!!!
In the spirit of my mindfulness motto “Take action where you can and let go of the rest,” I did some additional research for alternative silent retreat options, but no other doors opened. So I will miss this close-to-my-heart march for reasonable gun control, historic in that it is spearheaded by our young people demanding action from the adults who have failed them. My hope is that many thousands will show their support by adding to the numbers and the narrative (In other words, please attend if you are able to! And send me pictures!)
But what do you DO at a silent meditation retreat?
It’s probably easier to answer this by clarifying what you don’t do.
- You don’t talk to other participants, although I think you can ask the teachers a question or two at a set time each day.
- You don’t have access to your cell phone, laptop, or any other electronic device – including cameras (gulp).
- You don’t bring reading material.
- You don’t bring writing material (bigger gulp).
- You don’t run or jog or do any other strenuous exercise.
- You don’t drink alcohol or have sex (my husband is probably happy with this rule, since he’ll be at home hanging out with Apollo).
Now that we’ve gotten the “don’t do’s” out of the way, here’s how you spend your time, at least based on my understanding before having actually done it:
- Meditate
- Listen to the teacher
- Practice mindful eating
- Practice mindful walking
- Meditate some more
- Practice simply BEing (as opposed to “doing”)
Of all of the “can’t do’s,” the scariest one for me is probably the no writing rule. I was actually really surprised by the no reading and no writing rules, but I’ve learned after asking around that this is pretty standard in silent meditation retreats. But now I get it. Reading and writing may be “silent” activities, but they still involve “doing.” And for me, I know if I had writing material there I would be trying my hardest to write down everything to remember later and to share with all of you, which would take me into future thinking and out of the present moment.
The point of an immersive, multi-day silent meditation experience is to remove distractions that pull us into the past or future and observe what happens when we are fully focused on the present moment. By unplugging completely from incoming information flows we create space to dive deep into self awareness, bringing the tiniest details of our experience into full focus. Sounds good on paper, as long as you stay away from the stories of people who had minor breakdowns on their retreats.
And another little bit of synchronicity
Yes, I did spend an evening last week reading some of those horror stories. But you know what? Somehow I didn’t feel daunted. I felt a positive sense of challenge.
Unlike Dan Harris, who jumped into the silent retreat in the very early days of his mindfulness journey, I feel like I’ve been training for this marathon for eight years, having meditated daily most of that time. I feel ready for what I know will be a very hilly and difficult course.
And then a crazy little “coincidence” happened yesterday. I had indicated on my retreat application that I had space in my van if anyone in my area needed a ride to Delaware. A woman reached out, explaining she had just gotten off the waitlist, asking if I still had space.
- First, I thought it was a good sign there was a wait list.
- Second, she is a silent meditation retreat veteran with super helpful tips.
- Third (this is the crazy bit of synchronicity), it turns out she and I attended the same masters program at Tufts University’s Fletcher School. I graduated exactly 20 years earlier than she did.
So I have come completely full circle, having first heard of (and poo-pooed) a silent meditation retreat in graduate school and now attending my first retreat with a fellow Fletcher School alum.
This is what off the grid looks like…
Because I will have no access to technology from March 21 through April 1, I will not be posting anything next week. I considered scheduling a reprinted blog post, but I’m not even going to do that. I’m not even going to PRETEND to be online. Despite what my ego (or marketing experts) may try to tell me, the world will not stop rotating. My business will not disintegrate. Everything will be OK even if I’m not “visible” for ten days.
Wish me luck!! I’ll let you know how it goes! And if you have any tips for me before I leave next Wednesday, please send them along.
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