A childhood friend visited recently from out of state. He had seen my botanic photography online, but had never been to my Virginia home. We stopped by my house briefly on our way to lunch and my heart clenched when he said, “I want to see your garden.”
Ugh. I opened the gate and led him into the untended mess in my back yard.
He looked around perplexed and said, “THIS is where you take your photos?”
I scanned the garden and, like him, all I saw in those few seconds was weeds. “You caught us at a bad time,” I said (“us” meaning the garden and me).
I had the usual mid-summer excuses — travel, visitors, prioritizing family. Come to think of it, I have excuses for every season of the year during this particularly full chapter of my life.
That was about two weeks ago. In the meantime, more visitors, more travel with family.
Today is the first time in weeks that I have been able to turn my attention to the garden.
Choosing Where to Rest Attention is a Skill
It seems like everything I do or think about these days circles back to my ongoing Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute teacher training. Today’s garden musings reaffirm on many levels one of the core SIY teachings:
Attention–including choosing where to rest attention–is a trainable skill.
Mindfulness meditation is the formal, dedicated practice of attention training, with neuroscience and other evidence-based studies showing increased focus and less mind wandering with regular practice.
But the trainable benefits don’t stop there. Though human brains are wired for negativity bias (we tend to give greater weight to “bad” experiences and memories rather than good ones, probably as an evolutionary protective mechanism), we can train ourselves to reframe our perspectives and outlook on life in ways that enhance our sense of well-being.
So today, instead of heading into my untended garden with a sense of overwhelm and inner-criticism, I went on the hunt for hidden beauty behind and between the weeds.
This skill of choosing where to rest our attention can be applied to every layer of our lives. For example, we can choose to rest our attention on pleasant memories from our childhood rather than difficult memories. Doing so doesn’t mean the difficult situations never happened. It simply means that we widen the lens to capture the full range of our experience, stepping out of our brain’s autopilot setting that gives more weight to the negative side of the ledger.
Instead of choosing to rest our attention on what can go wrong with a new experience (new job, new school, new relationship, new location), we can choose to envision a positive outcome. Try it and see how much less energy it takes.
Sure, this can all sound a little annoying and Pollyanna-ish. In case you’re too young to know this term, here’s the Oxford Dictionary definition:
Pol·ly·an·na
/ˌpälēˈanə/
noun
- an excessively cheerful or optimistic person:
“what I am saying makes me sound like some aging Pollyanna who just wants to pretend that all is sweetness and light”
Nope. We’re not channelling Pollyanna here.
Shit still happens. Mindfulness practice doesn’t make that go away. It just helps us respond more skillfully to life and the people we encounter on our journey.
And on a daily basis, having control over where we choose to place our attention is pretty empowering. For me today, that meant celebrating joyful discoveries of beauty tucked between the weeds.
***
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Bill says
This week, I am going to spend my energy looking to see what’s “tucked between my weeds.” I loved the post. FYI, I will give you three weeks notice before asking to see your garden.
Martha Brettschneider says
Hahaha! No notice needed for good friends, Bill. One reason behind the heavy weed cover is the heavy rains we’ve had this summer. Been thinking of you and my other friends in California who could use some of that. Thanks for the kind words! With gratitude, Martha
Ellen Van Buren says
Love this post. Reminds me that I need to look under and between the negative (medical ) weeds in my head and discover the wonderful blooming plants that are there. Martha, I am, as always, so touched by your blog posts.
Martha Brettschneider says
So glad the words resonated. It’s an ongoing practice, never too late to start! :-) With love and gratitude, Martha
Harpreet G. says
Beautiful reminder that I have a choice of where to focus my attention on!
Martha, I loved reading your blog and the gorgeous pictures from your garden. What an eye for beauty and talent to capture the rapture!
Very grateful for your art.
hugs,
Harpreet
Martha Brettschneider says
Thank you Harpreet! “Capture the rapture” — LOVE it! (May I borrow for future use???) With gratitude, Martha
Ike says
Friend, this post resonated deeply! And I love the wordplay of “resting my focus” vs “paying attention”. Mindfully looking at all the things popping up in life, the weeds and the carefully planted tubers, choosing where to rest the eyes and finding delight. Martha, you are a treasure!
Martha Brettschneider says
Thanks Ike! Yes, “resting attention” is a better representation of the energy requirement. It takes a little less energy to rest our attention on the positive, don’t you think? “Paying attention” sounds a more like work! Right now, I’m resting my attention on gratitude for your friendship. Love you, my friend! Hugs, Martha
Åsa says
Martha, I love how you write! The mix of humor and deep thought. I so enjoyed your blog and beautiful photos – made me stop and reflect in busy times. Thank you my friend. XO
Martha Brettschneider says
Sending hugs and gratitude for your kind words and friendship, Asa. So glad the piece invited a pause and reflection! xoxo Martha