Originally posted on LinkedIn
Yesterday I sat in a radiologist’s patient lounge, waiting for my mammogram results. One of the benefits of being a cancer survivor is that you get your screening results the same day.
Sensing into how my body was processing this appointment ten years after my diagnosis and mastectomy, I was struck by the total absence of any feelings of stress, either before or during the procedure. The lack of stress was not related to an assumed positive outcome. I’m under no illusions that I am home free, even ten years out from early stage treatment.
According to METAvivor Research and Support, Inc., 30% of people who have been treated for early stage breast cancer eventually develop stage IV breast cancer. Stage 0 patients (like myself) can and do metastasize, even 30 years or more after their initial treatment.
So I don’t have my head in the sand.
But I Am Still Celebrating
My mammogram appointment showed me just how far I’ve come in learning to respond skillfully to the difficult emotions and thought patterns around fear of recurrence that continue to imprison many people long after their treatment.
Cancertheraphyadvisor.com reports that roughly 7 percent of cancer patients develop “severe and disabling fear that includes constant intrusive thoughts and misinterpretation of mild and unrelated symptoms.”
I mentioned to someone earlier this week that my mammogram appointment was on my calendar. They asked if I was worried about it. I checked in with my body for any sign of anxiousness or stress-related constriction and found nothing. My internal weather system was a clear blue sky with a calm breeze.
I wasn’t too surprised by that, since the mindfulness practices that I discovered during my recovery year and have cultivated intensely over the past decade keep me pretty well grounded in the present moment. I wasn’t going to worry about the appointment’s outcome in advance. Why waste my energy on imagined scenarios? (My former economist wiring keeps me on track with mindful resource management.)
Breaking news…
What was more interesting was when the technician came in and said the radiologist wanted to take a few more images since he had seen some changes. I intentionally turned up my curiosity to see how my body would respond to this new development.
Again, no stress signals, no “Danger! Danger!” thought patterns coming from my body’s alarm system. A few more minutes of squeezing in the mammogram machine and I took my place once again in the waiting lounge.
A video of calming nature scenes was playing on a wall-mounted TV screen. Smart move on the interior designer’s part, I thought, as the neuroscience shows that focusing attention on nature quiets the amygdala (a key part of our brain’s alarm network). My mind wandered into visualizing my own nature photography contributing to healing spaces like this, all of which led to a deepening of calm, pleasurable feelings.
I was pulled out of my open-eyed meditation by the technician coming back and saying, “He’d like to do an ultrasound to check some things out.”
Curious attention turned up, quick body scan, still no stress response! Yay me!
Not so fast…
As the technician helped set me up on the exam table, I asked when my last mammogram was. I thought I had been diligent about staying on my yearly schedule as recommended by my doctors, so I was surprised when she said, “December 2016.”
That surprise is what disrupted my inner calm, as I struggled to remember the details of my mammogram history. My OB/GYN had retired a while back and there was a bit of a delay in getting my new appointments set up. But could it really have been almost three years since my last screening?
The thinking that broke through was, “How could you be so irresponsible? How could you let that much time go between your screenings when you know full well the importance of tracking any changes?”
My regular mammogram history is what led to my early detection in the first place. Yes, I was “only” Stage 0 ductal carcinoma in situ, but my pathology report showed the cancer to be high grade and aggressive. Regular mammograms saved my life, so how could I have let almost three years slip by?
I finally figured out that I had gone to another radiology group just down the street in the intervening years (people mix them up all the time, I was told). By the time the confusion was settled, the doctor had completed the ultrasound and found no abnormalities. All clear!
Taking in the good, integrating the lessons…
What I noticed at each step along the way was how resilient I have become as a result of my daily meditation and other mindfulness practices. Even when an unexpected development with the screening arose, I stayed present and curious. I navigated concerned thinking patterns away from negative self-talk and toward problem solving, without becoming gripped in a physical stress response. Not once did my chest constrict with fear or my stomach tighten with anxiety.
I was a little embarrassed about my mix-up with the offices, but I moved immediately into self-compassion practice, reminding myself that I have used both offices over the past 15 years, that I’ve had a lot going on in my life the past three years – especially since my book Blooming into Mindfulness was released – and I’ll have greater clarity on my mammogram schedule (and location!) going forward.
In the span of 90 minutes, I was able to see just how powerful a cancer survival tool my mindfulness practice has become.
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In honor of breast cancer awareness month, I invite you to consider supporting the impactful work of METAvivor Research and Support, Inc., a non-profit organization based in Annapolis, Maryland. Here are a couple of statistics that should catch your attention:
- Unless otherwise specified by the donor, 100% of donations to METAvivor go to funding stage IV metastatic breast cancer research.
- Currently, research focused on the already metastasized state is funded at only 2–3%.
If you’re interested in cultivating your own mindfulness meditation practice or would like to learn how to bring mindfulness and emotional intelligence training to your organization, let’s chat! Learn more about my trainings (including Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute programs), workshops, and mindfulness support products at https://damselwings.com/.
