“We don’t usually get to see you stressed, Martha. Interesting!”
Ten of us were gathered around the work table in Shona D’Cruz’s (Blue Hyacinth Mosaics) home studio for our “Shine Your Light” fused glass suncatcher workshop, our first Damselwings Creativity Circle. Lauren, my friend and advanced PQ practitioner, read me well. Tight shoulders, clenched jaw as I squeezed the glass cutter, furrowed brow, hyper focus on getting all the tiny pieces exactly right on the glass plate.
Shona had said at the outset, “I hope you don’t have a set idea on what you want to create today.” Already, I had failed.
I had indeed arrived with a set idea, inspired by a photograph I had taken of an ancient Moreton Bay fig tree at the Royal Botanic Garden in Sydney, Australia earlier this year. This tree had taken root in the creative corners of my mind the moment I saw it. Attempting to transfer a subject that stands over a hundred feet tall and over a hundred feet wide onto a 4X6 inch piece of glass in my first fused glass workshop quickly opened the doors to my inner Saboteurs.
Saboteur Shenanigans
My Judge fed me stories about everybody else’s suncatcher being better than mine (Yours sucks!); my Hyper-Achiever whispered that my skills and vision fell short of what was needed to succeed (Everyone else is more artistic than you!); my Restless Saboteur kept telling me to scrap the tree idea and start over with something else (This isn’t turning out how you imagined.); and my Pleaser had me worrying about everyone else’s experience (I won’t be finished in time and everyone will need to wait for me.).
At the end of the class, with all of the suncatchers laid out on Shona’s kiln waiting to be fired after we left, all I could see in my piece was a swamp monster. I didn’t feel like mine was finished. I looked at everyone else’s joyful creations, some abstract, some uplifting depictions of flowers, mountains, butterflies, and fish.
I looked at mine and only saw not enough: not enough leaves, not enough color, not enough lightness.
Our Pre-Kiln Creations (can you find the swamp monster?)
Shifting to Sage
My Sage powers helped me recognize that my Saboteurs were hijacking me. Lauren had asked if I was stressed because I was leaving for Mexico City the next morning. My reactive response was “No!” Then I remembered that I hadn’t started packing yet. I was also juggling a number of home renovation projects in the run-up to our trip. Once I was on the plane the next day, I exhaled. Then I tapped into my Sage power of Empathy to cut myself some slack.
My Explore power shed light on all the other circumstances that contributed to my stress at the workshop, not to blame myself, but just as facts that may or may not have been under my control. Blameless discernment.
Navigate (my favorite Sage power) invited me to ask how I want to show up more fully the next time. I was really stuck in my analytic brain at the suncatcher workshop, which blocked me from allowing more abstract creative expression. I intend to be more playful, more joyful, less structured in my expectations of my creative output the next time around.
Surprise! Lessons From the Kiln
When I returned from our trip, I picked up the fired suncatchers from Shona. Each was individually wrapped with the creator’s name on it. I was so sure that I was going to hate mine that I didn’t open it for a whole week.
But when I finally mustered the courage to remove the textured brown wrapping, I gasped.
The firing process had softened the sharp lines and density of the tree. The subtleties of the brown, black, and dark purple glass I had chosen for the trunk and branches shone through. The leaves were beautiful and fresh, and also minimal enough to amplify the strength and resilience of the tree’s core.
Immediately, I knew why this and other ancient trees have become an obsession for me. Those knotty, gnarly trunks and branches represent the same qualities that I respect and honor in human beings. They are the same qualities that I strive to cultivate in myself — perseverance, resilience, and wisdom born of living through many seasons.
The ah ha moment validated my path and revealed the deeper purpose of my work, personally and professionally. This insight came just as I have been planning a solo art show at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Fairfax, where I will be featuring my tree photography in their sanctuary and my floral and other nature-based wall art in the music room. The opening reception is on May 17 from 11 am – Noon if you’d like to join us!
It also came as my Sage Photography Experience collaborator Melissa (Melissa Maillett Photography) and I are planning our next nature-based offering at Meadowlark Botanic Gardens in Vienna, VA, on May 29 (sign up here to be notified when registration opens). The insights I gleaned from Shona’s workshop are similar to what our Sage Photography workshop participants report in their testimonials: the process of creating photographic images, when pursued with a Sage mindset, deepens their sense of purpose and meaning.
The suncatcher even affirmed my inspiration to create a container to shift the narrative around menopause, with my collaborator Dr. Neelima Deshpande. Just like the kiln, coming through the hormonal storms of menopause burnishes our neural circuitry in ways that brings out our best qualities, if we navigate in Sage to achieve that transformation. Our next free Zoom event on Menopause and Beyond is scheduled for April 29, 12:00 – 1:00 pm (register here).
Damselwings Creativity Circles
The idea for our Damselwings Creativity Circles bubbled up early this year, when so many in our community were feeling pulled towards creative expression. The vision is to offer quarterly in-person experiences with artists and makers in the northern Virginia area to explore creative outlets as a form of inner inquiry. I am not teaching or being paid for these workshops. I am a student along with everyone else (as I have already made clear in this post!).
Our facilitators receive payment. Though creative teachers all-too-frequently undervalue their workshops and products, these artists have invested deeply in their own training, equipment, materials, and ongoing professional development. They deserve to be compensated for the deep value they provide to us individually and collectively as a community. We are fortunate to have such a deep pool of gifted and experienced facilitators in our area. If you are one of them and would like to be considered for a workshop, contact me!
If you need more convincing about the value-added of creative endeavors, check out Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Transform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross.
I look forward to investing in myself in our upcoming Damselwings Creativity Circles!
My newsletter subscribers have first dibs on these small group experiences, so make sure you’re signed up if you’re interested in joining us. I’d love to welcome you!
Our First Damselwings Creativity Circle!
